Our war

I remember 5 months ago sitting in an oversized ballroom at Sheraton hotel in Philadelphia at the event Peace Corps refers to as ‘staging’ and being asked the question ‘Why Peace Corps?’. We all were thinking and saying things like- ‘I want to live abroad for 2 years’, ‘I want to learn a new language’, ‘I need someone to give me development experience’, ‘I want to spice up my resume’, ‘I want to save the world’. Being in this room with this eclectic group of individuals and having undergone the many activities I had that day, I was in a particularly patriotic mood. I raised my hand and posited that we all might believe that America is an amazing country in theory, that we might at certain times be proud to be an American, and that we might (gasp) want to serve our country but not agree with contemporary foreign policy decisions, further, we might actually want to work towards creating a corner of the world that does not think America represents all things capitalist, imperialist, hypocritical and tyrannical. This has little to do with my main decision to join, but I was feeling every word at the moment.

Every Peace Corps Volunteer receives a subscription to Newsweek (I DESPISE their journalism but it at least keeps me up with some stuff in the world). Usually I read them front to back reading fluff about Sarkozy’s approval ratings with European leaders, or the new cultural centers of Qatar. I read every article-except those about Iraq, and for those of you who pick up this worthless weekly publication, you know that such articles comprise about a third of the magazine. I didn’t really realize I was doing it until today. Today, while on a matatu to Sagalla, I looked at the article (on Iraq), and had a debate in my head on whether to read it. Finally the voice screaming, “You should know of the destruction your country is imposing on others, Do you think antiwar protestors during Vietnam didn’t read the news because it depressed them too much?! Saddle up!” won. So I did. About halfway through the article I had another realization-the world didn’t stop because I came to Kenya. Horrible things didn’t stop happening in the name of justice, imperfect capitalism didn’t stop oppressing, people didn’t stop dying, poverty didn’t stop killing. I think I felt that because I wasn’t screaming at the top of my lungs about divestment and peace keepers for Darfur, fasting for peace, hosting vigils, writing press releases and opinion pieces that this had all stopped. That Darfur was getting better. That we cease to be bombing the shit outta Iraq and that numerous civil wars are not raging because of us. Maybe Palestine and Israel actually worked things out. Well, ill tell you. Its not true. I’ve finally had some internet time to do some real reading of international news(not NW) and our world is worse than ever. I feel that claustrophobic panicky feeling rising up in my chest and beginning to take over my entire body. That emotion I thought I was escaping when I got on the plane to Kenya.

I receive many emails and letters telling me that people are proud/impressed/inspired by me. While its nice to hear, and I’m happy to give someone some inspiration, you really shouldn’t feel all of these things. I’m a bit of a fraud(to be dramatic). I’m running away. Well I thought I ran away. I was fleeing this helpless state of living in a country perpetuating so many problems. I thought that being here, by choosing to leave that country, by giving up all things excessive and comfortable- that I could wash my hands of that tension and sorrow. That contributing to the improvement of peoples lives abroad would alleviate my guilt. Not true. All it does is create a bubble where it is easier to ignore all of these things (making me more typical American ehh?). Being here I have begun to realize more than ever how American I really am, I cannot divorce myself from that fact. No matter where I run, I’m still American, my country is still doing so much to harm and so little to help. For me, its truly maddening.

The moment has arrived!

PICTURES!!!!!

The moment some of you have so patiently waited for has arrived. It took me a really long time to figure out how to do this and get the technologies in order, but here they are. There are kind of a lot, next time, I promise there will be a more manageable amount. Also, sorry for their size, I had to resize them to save me some money.

http://picasaweb.google.com/rksantos/KenyaTheBeginning

This post lacks a unifying theme

Almost every letter I seem to get from home talks about the weather, so maybe I will give some insight into my weather.

I woke up this morning to pattering on my tin roof. If starts off soft but steady, and progressively gets harder to a level of sound you just cant sleep through. The rain blows what is left of the warm air from outside through my windows and it soon begins to cools off. I’m smiling as I wake up and look around for someone to share this peaceful moment with. There is nobody(of course). I lay in bed and forgo the morning run in order to revel alone in the welcomed change in weather and the rain I love so. Just as I begin to get excited for a rainy day at home, the rain stops. But it carries on in maybe 30 minute intervals throughout the day

So that was actually yesterday morning. This morning it is once again sweltering! It is so hot these days that even a light cotton sheet seem to be too much cover at night. This isn’t even the worst of it. Supposedly come November/December is when shit really hits the fan. Not looking forward to it. The weather is really quite ridiculous and rather unpredictable. One day it will be cool(enough to put on a light long sleeve shirt in the evenings) and other times, I am trying to see how little I can wear and still be societally appropriate.

…

I went on an amazing adventure last weekend, but unfortunately all I can really say for now is that I have gathered just one more great story to add to my book of life. What else can I say- I successfully retrieved my computers from Tanzania, the sun is strong when you are out in it 3 days straight, my kiswahili is ok enough to talk myself out of some potentially sketch situations, Mt Kilimanjaro is GORGEOUS and I found the most brilliantly blue fresh water lake but could not swim in it because it was infested with crocodiles. The rest will have to wait until I am out of Peace Corps to share. I have a feeling I will have a bunch of such stories that we can share over cocktails in a few years. [Its funny how I miss fine things like a fancy cocktail in a chic bar(which I rarely frequented in the states anyhow…dive bars…mmmm), the sophistication of a wine glass, pencils skirts and pumps. Man, I’m gonna stop this tangent now…]

Nimefurahi

I am happy. Yesterday marked the first week since being here that I truly felt happy continuously. This past week also brought my 2 months at site mark! I truly do feel like I am starting to make this place home and it feels DAMN good. I had been quite unhappy for sometime leading up to now, and that is probably a result of just resenting where I’m at because its not where I expected to be, and also partially due to being sick for 2 weeks and not being able to make any progress towards this allusive goal of happiness. But I am, I feel I am on the path, the yellow brick road (as symbolized in the original Oz, not the Wicked version as that would be leading to death, destruction and tyranny). This happiness is coming about due to a great many things. This past week I have had a series of meetings and discussions that have really made me realize there is some really really crucial work to be done here and that I am needed in voi and its surrounding villages. During this past week I have been able to sit down and outline some ideas for future projects and I have received some great feedback. I also essentially told my office that I will not be in too much as I will be spending time getting to know these communities. I think the most exciting discussion I had was with my supervisor in Peace Corps. I have been dreaming about moving out to sagalla or some other small village, but I wasn’t sure that it would fly with PC. Through the conversation, my supervisor essentially said that once I get settled here, I’ll probably be spending 3-4 nights a week out in the bush! Hearing her say that just made my day. If this is the case, then my site truly is perfect. Well nothing is perfect-but, I will get the best of both worlds. I will get to live in that small community(and BEAUTIFUL sagalla!) and also have my town with quasi modern conveniences and volunteer contact. It feels good. Additionally, I have been just blown away at how I am able to keep in contact both with those Peace Corps Volunteers in country who mean so much to me, but also, with all my loved ones at home. I really do not have the words to express how important you are all to me and I really really appreciate you not letting me fall off the face of the earth. You sustain me. So thank you.

Exciting developments/projects I am beginning to work on.

• I am helping establish a rountable banking scheme with a group of our peer educators(about 10). Essentially, every month they contribute 100 shillings to a general fund-In similar schemes this money is used as like emergency loans-but we are going to use it to begin a collective small business. Overtime as profits come in, we will reinvest it, and hopefully, if successful enough we will prove our worth to a lender and apply for a loan to establish a more formal business. This is all just in the discussion stages, but people are excited and eager to get it started! Once we see how this works on this group, and tweak it a bit, we will begin applying it with our other groups.

• This month I will begin to meet with headmasters/mistresses of our secondary(high) schools about beginning after school girls clubs. In talking with young women and also old women for that matter, it seems that people know about HIV/AIDs, but the problem we are seeing is that they are not able to incorporate that knowledge into their daily lives. Mainly this is a result of disempowerment. SO, I’m thinking to start up weekly clubs with young women where we will talk about all ranges of issue, relationships, sex, family planning, life goals, financial independence- really just providing an open forum for discussion, because talking about these things is really the first step. We will do empowerment activities, working on asserting our rights and our own decisions, and maybe in time we will start a mini sports league amongst the clubs. I am really excited about these projects as I feel that in myself, this is one of my strengths. I am a strong independent (and stubborn) woman. I have been meeting so many young women who are strong and intelligent but just don’t know it. If you don’t know it, you can’t capitalize on it, so I’m excited to bring it out!

• Along similar lines, one of my counterparts here in APHIA II wants to work on a girls leadership camp of sorts. PC actually has an annual camp countrywide and they are looking to train individuals to do local camps, so I plan to do that, probably not until spring of 2008.

• I will also be attending monthly clinics out in remote villages giving health talks. Essentially, we have a traveling clinic and before they hand out meds and such they want me to give a message. It will be on anything from clean drinking water and rehydration practices, anti malaria techniques, hospital usage, nutrition etc.

• I am begining to help set up a Big Brothers Big Sister type program for our street boys here in Voi. Also in the early stages but i suggested it to my friend who works with this population and she LOVES the idea. The idea is to give them someone to talk to and to give them motivation to go back to school or in some cases back to their families. to see that their futures can be so much more. i have a strange affinity for street kids. maybe its that once you get past them begging, you realize all they really need is some love. and i like to love.
  

• Today I will start up(again) my Kiswahili lessons 4 times a week. I have been really frustrated at my lack of progress the last month and am excited to get started again.

• Along non work lines- I’m taking my first mini break this week to a town called Taveta with a renowned market where I will meet up with my friend Lindsay from the states whose working in Tanzania and where I hope to do some beautiful hiking and maybe get a glimpse of Kilimanjaro! I’m having a Halloween costume party for PCVs and my friends in voi (we are getting a keg!!! WOOOoo. And I think I’ll be dressing as the Hyper Hypo!! HAH!(Mike Myers Nicole Kidman SNL skit) For thanksgiving, USAID and embassy families open their homes in Nairobi to us and invite us over for the night and feed us delicious meals. Around this time, my man friend Nate might also come visit me in Voi. First week of December my entire PC class heads to Nairobi for a one week training. We are all looking forward to this reunion! Following that I have 2 weddings! One is of a PCV friend whose fiancé is visiting from the states and they want to have a true Islamic wedding in an old mosque and they want me to be their photographer (EEK!) just following is my friends brothers wedding way way out in the bush and it will be just so amazing. He is already teaching me the dances and songs. I guess the men and women have this sort of dance/sing off. MAN IM SO EXCITED! Then just following that a bunch of us are renting a house on the beach for Christmas/new years.

Kwa sasa, maisha ni mzuri. For now, life is good. I have a buttload of work to get started on and a bunch of events to be excited for in the coming months! Hope all is well on the home front.