im coming home...wish i could see the look on your face.

Today i am officially an RPCV. Returned Peace Corps Volunteer. no longer employed by the peace corps. i have completed service. ive only been here for 8 months-you all thought you had another 19 months without me. well, no longer, im coming home. a week ago i would not have been able to tell you i was leaving so soon. ive been playing with the idea of leaving for some time now, but it was in the future. the last few weeks have been some of my hardest here. since returning to voi from evacuation in tanzania, i went through severe depression. i couldnt eat, couldnt sleep. couldnt do anything...but cry. i was paralyzed. i couldnt stomach being back in voi, back in this small bubble seemingly untouched by the devastation the rest of the country is experiencing. i couldnt even fathom waking up each morning and reading about the gang rapes, the homeless families, the lost relatives and livelihoods just a few hours away and me, going back to life as usual, to talking to kids about aids and how to make decisions for their futures. futures that at this moment are so uncertain. i contemplated just quiting Peace Corps and walking up to one of our haphazard displaced persons camps and just saying let me help. i want to be talking to those affected, i want to hear their feelings about the people who put them there. i want to start thinking about the reconciliation process that is going to have to take place here. my brain is capable of so much more than what i was doing in voi.

I had been planning on quitting peace corps in a few months, to freely travel and to begin pursuing work i am interested in, work that stretches my brain. more challenges. ive just realized a great deal about myself and what i want to do with my life, and staying here and living in voi just for the sake of finishing peace corps is not enough. i want out. i want to start taking control of my life and not have this safety net of peace corps behind me. im ready to be scared. im ready to not know the next step. im 23. this is the only time i can really be so reckless. so peace corps, we are done. tumemaliza.

Peace Corps has closed 2/3 of this country. all of my best friends were sent home a week ago, they told us 2 days prior to their flights. my site is still open and i dont want to be there. everyone in this country has been granted the option of Interruption of Service(IoS). it means that there are circumstances beyond my control that inhibit me from working. it reads as a completion of service. i can go home, hang out for a bit and if they find a better option they will bring me back, otherwise, i am just done. and damn it feels amazing. i chose to take IoS for a number of reasons, some of them practical like health insurance for a year, others like having the option of Peace Corps placing me with a humanitarian relief org out here. id still be a PCvolunteer, but it really would be an opportunity i cannot pass up. so we will hold our breath for that option. they told me to go home and wait. but im not going home...IM FREE

the day after i decided to IS, i was feeling pretty shitty because i thought i would not see any of my best friends for a long time. i received a text from Charles (one of my best friends in nairobi) telling me that we are offered the option to cash in our tickets and go travel. i responded back 'want to go travel, im only half serious, but could be talked into it.' he writes back that he will think long and hard about it. I text nate in Tanzania 'do you have the option to cash in your ticket? if so,want to play? if there is momentum, im there' because nate is in tanzaia, the text didnt go through for hours. before he had received the text, he calls me and asks me the same question. and i say im there. we both start screaming with excitement, he calls charles and the terrific trio was born. we're going traveling!!!!!!!! i couldnt be more thrilled, and really couldnt have asked for better partners for adventure. we spent some time emailing from our 3 locations and decided we need to be together and plan. we are now in nairobi and after much deliberation, we decided on this rough route through east africa.

1.28 Depart for Lamu Kenya
2.4 Lamu to Kilifi to visit current volunteer Darcy Dodd and Dan Hekkel
2.6 Kilifi to Mombasa Kenya-hang with more volunteers
2.9 Mombasa to Dar Es Salaam Tanzania
2.12 Dar Es Salaam to Zanzibar Tanzania
2.14 Return to Dar Es Salaam
2.15 train from Dar Es Salaam to Mwanza Tanzania(abt 3 day train ride)
2.18 Arrive in Mwanza Tanzania
2.21 Depart Mwanza on Ferry for Bekopu Tanzania
2.22 Bekopu to Kigali Rwanda
2.24 Kigali for Nyungwe National Park
2.26 Depart Nyungwe for Mt. Elgon National Park Uganda
2.28 Depart Mt. Elgon for Kampala Uganda
3.3 Depart Kampala for Jinja Kampala
3.4 White Water Rafting on the White Nile in Jinja
3.6 Depart Jinja for Kampala
3.7 Depart Kampala (by air) for Nairobi
3.9 or 3.10 Depart Nairobi for NYC via British Airways
3.11 Arrive NYC
Play around NYC and Wash DC for a week or so. if you are around, send me an email with your contact number, would LOVE to see you!!!
3.17 or 3.20 Arrive Sac Town

so our trip is filled with activities like renting a condo on the beach on the island of lamu for a week, eating fresh sea food, drinking fresh tropical juice, drinking in general, dancing, sailing from mombasa to zanzibar, overnight ferry across part of lake victoria, hiking through montane rainforests in rwanda, climbing mt elgon in uganda, rafting the nile, historical museums and remembrance walk in rwanda and soo much more. about 6 weeks of overland travel in 4 countries. ill try and keep you all posted.

if youve been to any of these countries and have tips for us, send me an email. geeze..what a post. i have soo much more explaining to do and i have many posts to catch up on, so they will be coming through as time allows. hope youre all well. namaste.

updates

hey all out there in blog land. im alive. not well. but healthy and ok. im not posting my thoughts on the blog as i fear a lawsuit from the american government and or repercussions from the kenyan government. im also struggling to get past a point of mental paralysis from this waiting game that has soo many potential consequences and organize my thoughts during this ever changing situation. so. if you have not been getting my emails and would like to, send an email to rksantos@gmail.com and i will add you to the list. also, Nate has been keeping a relatively good log of what is going on in our direct lives so if you want to check out his blog http://natyb25.travellerspoint.com.

please be well